e vacantza...sper ca si voi faceti ce fac io...adica trezit tarziu....culcat si mai tarziu...sufocat de caldura...ce altceva....hmmmm
sper ca aveti planuri de vacantza mai serioase decat mine...
noah orshcum.....io va urez la toti o vacantza maxima....dar... sa stiti ca maslina nu intra inca in vacantza...asa ca va asteptam si sapt viitoare... ------- The Pope was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off-shore. A helpless man, wearing an English rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark.
As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Welsh, Irish and Scottish rugby jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while the other two reached out and pulled the hapless English fan from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.
Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatred between the Celtic and English rugby fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies: "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom." "Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or do we need to get another one?" --------- A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. "Charles, you know that fur coat you promised me and never bought? Well, I bought it with the insurance money." She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes and then said, "Charles, remember that new car you promised me and never bought? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!" Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Charles, that emerald necklace you promised me and never bought? Well, I bought it that with the insurance money too!" Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Charles, remember that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes!"
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There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his pay check.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen." ----------
This guy and his girlfriend head to the local bar. The girl says she'll be happy to pick up the round as she's heard of a new drink she wants him to try.
She gets back to the table and has two drinks for him. One is a shot of Bailey's, and the other a shot of lime juice. She says, "Ok, what you have to do is swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth, and then drink the lime juice."
He looks a little dubious but does as he's told because she's really cute when she's enthusiastic and he has plans for later.
First he swigs the Bailey's, holding it and swishing it back and forth over his tongue. Smooth. Creamy. A warm feeling in his mouth. Then he adds the lime juice to mix with the Bailey's.
After about a second, the cream in the Bailey's curdles in his mouth. Two seconds into it his face turns the colour of fresh lime juice. Five seconds and he finally calms his stomach enough to swallow the mess.
With a look of near horror on his face, he turns to her and asks, "What the fuck was in that?" She whispers in his ear... "It's called Blowjob revenge --------
poza 1. naichi !
maslina 40 holidays ... fun fun fun – poza de connoisseur, in Maslina saptamanala · 29.5KB
